Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 3 Episode 10

My stomach hurts from laughing so much. Fantastic last episode of the season! Let’s all take a gobblygook attitude to life (what does that even mean?) and dive right in!


Pettifleur is the master of self-promotion. #whobegstodiffer

Pettifleur Switch the Bitch Real Housewives of Melbourne

This blew-Smurf lippy actually grew on me.

Pettifleur Smurf Blue Lipstick Real Housewives of Melbourne

Anyone got the number for the Distraught Costumed Dogs Hotline?

Figaro Capri Real Housewives of Melbourne

Spice up your lobes! DIY jewellery project with old house keys?

Chyka Key Earrings Real Housewives of Melbourne


  • “Did you do your make up today? It’s all crooked!” – Happy birthday, Mum. Love Lydia “the perfect daughter”.
  • “If one of those goes, it’s going to be like a disaster. Don’t call the cleaners, call the SWAT team or something.” – Gamble keeps shit real.
  • “Lydia doesn’t operate as someone who’s malicious. Someone who’s malicious will start a rumour. Someone who’s daft will spread it. So I think that she falls into the daft category.” – Sometimes Gina says perfect things and this is one of those times.
  • “She never worked a day in her life. She does nothing all day. She’s got a housekeeper. If you tell me one more time that Figaro got a new jumper, I’m gonna to hang myself, alright?” – You’ll be dead in a sec, Janet cause Fig just wore a fabulous feathered hat.
  • “Josh thought maybe you’d been sucking off a Smurf!” Gina, on Pettifleur’s blue lipstick.
  • “Pettifleur wishes I stole her look. I mean, really, Pettifleur? Stop wanking over yourself.” – Oh, Lydia.
  • “Hey! My Wolfepup isn’t an old man!” – Gamble takes great offence that Lydia hasn’t been trying to crack on to the Wolfe because he’s old.
  • “She’s making up shit and she’s trying to destroy my family? What a pig! What a pig she is!” – Lydia’s family has a thing for farm animals.
  • “Can I spock?” – I don’t know, Lydia. Can you?

Lydia Spock Real Housewives of Melbourne

  • “Go suck on your own fucking head, you idiot!” – Thanks for this little audio nugget, Lydia.
  • “Nah I reckon none of us should talk to each other at all. I think we’re all a bit fucked up and I think that everyone’s got something really negative to say about everyone. Everyone go fuck yourselves.” – Beautiful last words, Gina.


The entire Waterfront dinner was a magical melting pot of bitchy finger pointing, bitchy foul language and bitchy nonsense! Some Lydia highlights include: her childish imitation of Jackie (evidence below), insisting she didn’t know Susie’s husband and didn’t remember attending her wedding, saying she might have pre-dementia and imitating Pettifleur’s accent horribly (and coming off kinda racist).

Let's Talk Real Shit Real Housewives of Melbourne


Hiring goats for your mother’s birthday party. Gotta be something only rich people would find amusing?

Donkeys Real Housewives of Melbournes

It wouldn’t be an ep of Housewives without a self portait!

Gina Portrait Real Housewives of Melbourne


Oh Josh, just when Gina was telling the world how much indispensable you are, you forget to steam her black frock. Just after you left to do it. Major vague-cation. And then, Gina took a vague-cation of her own and forgot to thank you in her very self-congratulatory speech at the perfume launch. Ouch.

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 8.50.53 pm



I mean there was food at Waterfront but was anyone actually interested in it? Dish up more dirt and less whatever this is.



A delightful selection this week! One from each of the ladies to finish season 3. Enjoy.

Gina Real Housewives of Melbourne

Lydia Real Housewives of Melbourne

Chyka Face Real Housewives of Melbourne

Pettifleur Real Housewives of Melbourne

Jackie Real Housewives of Melbourne





Pettifleur turned things around this week! She apologised to her sister and to Gamble and she FINALLY switched the bitch and turned on Lydia. “You know what? You suck as a friend!” Brava, Pettifleur. Brava.



  • How does one wank over themselves?
  • Would you like to see a montage of Lydia-isms at the reunion?
  • Would you be excited if a donkey turned up to your birthday party?
  • Can you spell your friends’ names correctly?

Pettifleur Pettifluer Name Tag Real Housewives of Melbourne

See you in two weeks for the reunion, darlings!

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