The girls are still in Dubai and they’re still bickering. Pour yourself a glass of La Mascara, kick back and enjoy the madness.
FAVOURITE OUTFITS
Chyka’s decided to dangle tassels from Aladdin‘s magic carpet from her ears.
Janet and Gamble taking the piss out of Pettifleur’s Season 2 headwear.
Susie nailing a blue I Dream of Jeannie-esque ensemble.
Star ear-bling and black pearls paired with Jon Snow’s good winter coat.
TALKY TALK: FAVOURITE QUOTES
- “It’s deplorable and unladylike.” – Pettifleur talking about the Housewives’ behaviour (moments after she slammed her hands down on the table and screamed, “Stop the fuck!”).
- “YOU NEED TO SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INDULGED BULL-FUCKIN’-SHIT!” – Qween Gina.
- “It’s very rich to be such a bitch!” – Pettifleur trying to be clever.
- “I will change my behaviour if I think I need to change my behaviour. I’m fine as I am.” – I really really hope we see Pettifleur’s sister again. This woman needs a reality check.
- “You know, it’s really interesting. Why is it like Country Women’s Association in Toorak? I mean, Toorak’s not a country.” – You’d think Lydia might go at least one week without saying something ridiculous. Maybe next week.
- “Before I got married I was very ‘woggy chick’ and I loved my gold.” – Before, Jackie?
- “Like my mother always said to me, you know, ‘Gina, you can’t breastfeed the world. You gotta let people be.” – Now I’m picturing Gina breastfeeding Pettifleur. *shudder*
- Lydia: “How are you?” Pettifleur: “Feel like I’ve been through…” Lydia: “I thought I’d find you here.” Pettifleur: “Can I answer?” Lydia: “Of course you can! I was looking for you.” Lydia is totally incapable of reading people.
- “I’m not gonna be told, as a grown arse woman, what to do and how to live my life now. I seem to hear everyone saying, ‘Well, you talk about yourself.’ Well, why the heck not? If you were me, you would be talking about yourself. What’s wrong with that?” – Yes, Pettifleur is very unique.
- “The thing is, with Jackie is, she can’t tolerate your arrogancy.” Okay, that’s just a slip of Lydia’s tongue.
- “I’ve said a number of times to Pettifleur, ‘Your arrogancy bores the shit out of everyone.'” Fool me twice.
- “I’m the one who got beaten up to a pulp! Okay? If you can see fuckin’ bruises, you will see it! Don’t let me cry again, okay? Now get outta here!” – Best. Conversation. Ever. (Courtesy of Pettifleur)
- “I’m not going to give up on Pettifleur. She’s a lot of fun at times. She’s this pocket rocket that has this gobblygook attitude on life and if you all don’t get it then, you know, bugger off.” – You can’t write this stuff. Thank you, Lydiot.
- “They can own their behaviour but as far as I’m concerned it’s water off a duck’s back. I’m ready to rock and roll.” – What are you actually saying, Pettifleur? The only thing more puzzling than this quote is the little shimmy she did while saying it.
- “Don’t you shake your head at me cause I’m gonna fly across this table and strangle you. Shut up!” “You know what? I actually don’t want to be your friend and I would like for you to get up and leave because actually nobody wants you here. Get up and fuck off.” – Gooooo Janet!
FAVOURITE BITCHY MOMENT
The whole episode? Gina screeching at Pettifleur was pretty bitchy – with very good reason. Then Pettifleur lying down and putting her fingers in her ears after she’d just accused everyone else of fighting like kindergarten children.
FAVOURITE RICH PEOPLE MOMENT
The girls shopping at the gold souk. As if Gina needs another chunky gold bracelet on that arm!
FAVOURITE SECONDARY CHARACTER
Nasif “Very Gorgeous” Kayed from the Sheikh Mohammed Centre for Cultural Understanding had the flirtiest of the Melbourne housewives working overtime batting her eyelash extensions and using humped animal innuendo. “I could ride that camel all day” – dammit, Janet!
OMNOMNOM: FOODIE MOMENT
Jackie being “fuckin’ starving” and unable to take her eyes off the food during the Sheikh info session.
“This looks amazing! Yes!” Really, Jackie? You don’t win friends with cherry tomatoes on ice.
FACIAL EXPRESSION OF THE WEEK
HOUSEWIFE OF THE WEEK
I dub Jackie Housewife of the Week! Not only were we impressed with her uncontrollable appetite but also her battle against Lydia the malicious gossip. Keep shining, ex-“woggy chick”.
QUESTIONS
- What is a “gobblygook attitude on life”?
- Were you more interested in Sheikh Nasif or the Emirati feast?
- Do you think Lydia was actually reading a book?
- Was it Switch the Bitch?
Cactus Pop 
