Season 3

The Housewives are in Dubai and it’s Mean Girls: Desert Storm.

We’ve gotta say, this was one of the best episodes to recap. So. Much. Stuff!

FAVOURITE OUTFITS

Chyka’s Swiss cheese top is pretty cute!

Chyka top Real Housewives of Melboure

Lydia’s ‘Liano’ dress.

Lydia Boobs Real Housewives of Melbourne

Pettifleur’s self-confessed attention-seeking outfit of a very sheer skirt (showing half her arse) and very sheer top.

Pettifleur Real Housewives of Melbourne

Lydia is going to meet a sea lion in Dubai. This is what she decided to wear to meet a sea lion in Dubai.

Lydia Real Housewives of Melbourne

Jackie looking like Pettifleur in some bright headwear.

Jackie Hat Real Housewives of Melbourne

Pettifleur bummed out that she was in this white number instead of just her bikini.

Pettifleur Belly Dancer Real Housewives of Melbourne

TALKY TALK: FAVOURITE QUOTES

  • “They’re only the local women that wear the local…umm..what do they call it? I forget. Mmm..that.” – Lydia
  • “I get the culture and I almost fit in. When I’m there I almost look like them. Funny, isn’t it? It’s like ‘Oh, you so look Arabian!’ and it’s like oh, okay.” – Lydia
  • “Pettifleur’s like a Debbie Downer!” – Jackie
  • Gina (about Lydia): “Oh cause she looked like a hot raunchy mama.” Pettifleur (thinking she’s talking about her): “Oh, thank you.”
  • “Lydia will flirt with anything it seems, even a sea lion.” – Gina
  • “It was JUST DIVINE. A seal has the hots for me? Never had that sort of fish near my lips! Did anyone get that or did I just get that?” – Lydia, it just keeps going.
  • Gamble: “You looked really amazing. I think it was just jealousy.” “I was just dressed, you know?” – Lydia, humble as ever.
  • “Janet, somewhere a village is missing their idiot. Go find it.” – Pettifleur.
  • “She was very dismissful of, you know, Pettifleur.” Lydia, please, I can’t keep up with this!
  • “I’m gonna sit here cause everyone’s givin’ me the shits now.” – Gina
  • “I look like Louie the Fly and I’m going to rock it.” – Pettifleur’s conclusion after two hours of trying sunglasses on.
  • Pettifleur: “I’m a small person. She may be able to physically challenge me but intellectually she has no bloody chance because my tongue is like a silver sword and I’ll cut real deep.”  Gina: “Oh, Pettifleur. Shut the fuck up!”
  • “I could ride around on that camel all day like Lawrence of Arabia or…that’s probably a bit old fashioned…what else? Someone else who has camels.” – Janet
  • “I work super hard on my body and trust me at that time I was thinking ,’I would love to strip everything down and jump around in my bikini’ because I wanna show these women what’s underneath.” – Pettifleur
  • “I don’t know why Lydia thinks it’s important to be compared to somebody no one’s ever heard of. A Kardashian might be more of a comparison I’d want to be compared to. Not someone from The Bachelorette. I mean, yawnsville.” – Gamble
  • “I do not think that Lydia is writing her own blog. First of all, it’s in English and it does not sound one single bit like Lydia.” – Janet
  • “It’s almost like I’m giving them the shits. I wish I was.” – Lydia
  • “You think you’re King Shit. When we’re at the beach, you started crying. Boo hoo! What? Because nobody said you look fuckin’ fabulous?” – Jackie
  • Pettifleur: “You asking me?” Jackie: “Who else am I asking? The ghost behind ya head?” Gina: “Is there one?”

FAVOURITE BITCHY MOMENT

The ENTIRE dinner scene in the desert. Where does one begin? Everything was dredged up for old time’s sake, but it was essentially a major dressing down of Pettifleur who was attacked, and let’s face it, rightfully so, by everyone at the table. Which resulted in – what is sure to be one of the most gif-ed and screen grabbed moments in television this year – Pettifleur slamming her hands down on the table and shrieking “STOP THE FUCK!”.

Stop the Fuck Pettifleur Real Housewives of Melbourne

FAVOURITE RICH PEOPLE MOMENT

Poor Chyka and Lydia were forced to fight it out over who has been to Dubai the most amount of times. Chyka (let’s get real – Arena TV) had graciously organised a trip to Dubai for the girls and was really excited to show them around. But instead it became the “Lydia from the United States of Emirates Show”, who, she told us several million times, has been there 26 times.

FAVOURITE SECONDARY CHARACTER

These bad boys for slobbering all over the housewives and not giving a toss.

Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 5.40.12 pm

OMNOMNOM: FOODIE MOMENT

Not sure what this is but it looks incredible.

Dubai Food Bice Mare Restaurant Real Housewives of Melbourne

 

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS OF THE WEEK

Figaro Real Housewives of Melboure
HELP. ME.
Pettifleur Real Housewives of Melbourne
Lydia unsure of what to say to attention-seeker Pettyfleur.
Jackie Real Housewives of Melbourne
Cut the bullshit crocodile tears, darling.
Laughing at her own "joke"
Laughing at her own “joke”.
Real Housewives of Melbourne janet
Appropriate response to someone yelling FUCK OFF at the table IN. DUBAI.
Susie Real Housewives of Melbourne
Susie imitating Pettifleur shopping/staring at herself in the mirror.
Gina Real Housewives of Melbourne
Gina imitating Pettifleur shopping/staring at herself in the mirror.
Jackie Hat Camel Real Housewives of Melbourne
Jackie wondering what the hell she’s gotten herself into.

 

HOUSEWIFE OF THE WEEK

Praise Chyka, Queen of Diplomacy. This week we had Pettifleur criticising her clothes and telling her that she needed darker lipstick, and Chyka was all, I happen to like the way I look thank you very much. Then there was Lydia competing over passport stamps to Dubai, toasting over Chyka’s toast, and carrying on about her blog being quoted in the Daily Mail, and Chyka just kept a straight face and didn’t rise to the bait (although, based on the promo for next week she may have changed her mind about snapping back!). We can all learn a few things from Chyka. Love you! P.S. How cute was her reunion with her son B.J.?

Chyka Real Housewives of Melbourne

QUESTIONS

  • Have you ever shouted your friends to a luxury holiday overseas?
  • Has a sea lion ever had the hots for you?
  • Have you been a victim of sexual assault in a shark tank?

Real Housewives of Melbourne Sharks

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