Season 3

Episode six of The Real Housewives of Melbourne continued in Byron Bay at Gamble’s wedding reception with the Gina Celebrity Apprentice hotel room viewing party saga and then later Susie’s double date nightmare!

FAVOURITE OUTFITS

Alin’s. Gold. Jacket.

Alin Real Housewives of Melbourne

Janet borrowed this statement piece from the Vatican.

Janet Cross Real Housewives of Melbourne

Janet in an ensemble of quad-zipped pants, blue leopard print shirt, reflector sunnies and chandelier earrings. ‘Nough said.

Janet Real Housewives of Melbourne

If I was visiting my father in a nursing home, I would not be squishing my boobs into this red strapless.

Gina Real Housewives of Melbourne

TALKY TALK: FAVOURITE QUOTES

  • “Oh my God, I’m Mrs Wolfe now. All my troubles are behind me.” – But you’re not a gold digger, Gamble?
  • “Brian’s very sexual but in a very…old man way. It’s just like UGH.” – Lydia’s not ageist, she just doesn’t like old people having sex.
  • “I think that they would like to see me with someone one day, umm, just as long as they…what do they call him? He’s not a douche.” – Susie’s up with the slang.
  • “You’re not taking any medication? … Oh, you should. Good stuff.” – Janet the drug promoter.
  • “No, darling, he’s fully into you.” – Jackie proving bogans can be elegant.
  • “I would love what that is.” “That’s just water.” “You know what, I’d love some.”  – Lydiot back at it.
  • “I want my sex material one.” – Marcello The Douche, setting hearts aflutter since…never.
  • “At the end of the day, it’s not mother’s milk…it’s a substitute for mothers…I’m not technical but it’s just an immune-developed, lactating material that the breasts, that woman produce in the breast.” – Janet’s date, Christopher. Who is officially gross.

FAVOURITE BITCHY MOMENT

It was Gina versus Janet in the continuing – and to be honest, now boring- saga of ‘Did she have a Celebrity Apprentice viewing party?’ Glad Gina wrapped it up quickly with, “How about you all go fuck yourselves? I’m not doing this shit. Get fucked.”

FAVOURITE RICH PEOPLE MOMENT

Didn’t think Chyka was the type to have a huge self portrait but there you go. Another housewife, another self indulgent piece of ‘art’. Although to be fair, at least hers isn’t the focal point of her living room…

Chyka Painting Real Housewives of Melbourne

FAVOURITE SECONDARY CHARACTER

Screen Shot 2016-04-02 at 7.34.22 pm

The Junior Wolf, Luke, Gamble’s stepson gave a beautiful, heartfelt speech at the wedding, and there was not a dry eye left at that table – or at my house where I was watching. Hearing him tell everyone that now that Gamble was in his life, there was “Food on the table, flowers in the house, vodka and pinot noir always on hand, and most importantly a house we can now call a home,” was just absolutely gorgeous. Then mouthing across the table that he has a mother now. *sob* What a darling.

OMNOMNOM: FOODIE MOMENTS

I wouldn’t mind a piece of the toppling wedding cake.

Wedding Cake Real Housewives of Melbourne

Despite being burnt, Gina’s lasagne still looked amazing.

Lasagne2

The food in this ep was pretty on point – I think I’ll have to go get myself a chicken burger from Eden Espresso.

Burger Real Housewives of Melbourne Eden

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS OF THE WEEK

Damn, Jackie! Back at it again with the awesome facials! Brian’s “happy ending” story didn’t go over very well with the ladies.

Jackie Real Housewives of Melbourne Face

Sadly, there wasn’t much of Lydia in this episode. But her vom face during that same conversation and in the interviews afterward were highly entertaining. Kind of the same reaction I get whenever she tries to flirt with unsuspecting strangers.

Lydia Vomiting Real Housewives of Melbourne

HOUSEWIFE OF THE WEEK

Screen Shot 2016-04-02 at 7.40.23 pm

Susie deserves the honour this week for ditching Marcello the chauvinistic, arrogant, self-absorbed douche (who apparently at 38 has no idea what cuff links are?)!

QUESTIONS

  • What was Charles doing at Gina’s son’s birthday?
  • Is eating butter like cheese a deal breaker?
  • Do you consider lactation to be appropriate dinner conversation?

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