Another week and episode four of The Real Housewives of Melbourne presented a slightly more subdued, emotional side of the women – but we had to get through the rest of Pettifleur’s tirade at Gamble’s “invitation party” first.
FAVOURITE OUTFITS
Lydia’s earrings at Gamble’s bridal shower. Straight out of Franco Cozzo’s jewellery collection.
“I am now getting the scotch and Brian is in the kitchen! It’s like…really weird!” No, Janet. That apron is what’s weird. Also weird – the fact that you’re having a family dinner with your ex-husband and his kids and discussing the “happy ending” he got during your marriage…and laughing about it.
Gamble – work it, gurl!
TALKY TALK: FAVOURITE QUOTES
- “I’m just trying to do the right thing by this lunatic of a woman.” – Gamble, speaking of Pettifleur.
- “Not a piece of lasagne, she wants the whole tray.” – Gina, also speaking of Pettifleur.
- “I just want her to come and have a good time and get out of her own arse.” Gamble, the Queen of No Nonsense.
- “Let’s shine it up.” – Jackie’s inspirational quote of the night – attempting to get the girls back into celebration-mode.
- “It’s like Stockholm Syndrome – you fall in love with your abuser”. Gina on her relationship with Lydia.
- “This…faccia brutta“. Lydia whips out the Italian to describe Susie’s “ugly face”.
- “I thought it would be really fun for all the girls to come wearing one of their wedding dresses.” Good one, Chyka. “One of”. Cause you know, who gets married only once?
- “Not really sure what I’m looking for so I’m experimenting. I’m not just gonna settle down, you know? I’m gonna try a ‘rugged’ one, a ‘little’ one, a ‘big’ one, a ‘black’ one, a ‘yellow’ one and I think you have to actually try it to see what you like!” A yellow one, Janet? Someone call the PC police.
FAVOURITE BITCHY MOMENT
Jackie, like the majority of us, was well and truly fed up with Pettifleur this episode. After declining Gamble’s wedding invitation, she somehow manages to turn the argument around so it’s all about her being “victimised”. At Gamble’s bridal shower, Susie shares a story about a traumatic accident that occurred to her son Monty. Pettifleur immediately follows up with her own “tragic” story of how her father never walked her down the aisle. Jackie had enough and says that “Pettifleur was BS crying…it’s like what are you crying about?”.
FAVOURITE RICH PEOPLE MOMENT
Gamble heads off to IM Lingerie at the Emporium Melbourne and spends a small fortune on wedding night underwear. She actually winces at the price tag but really, when last season she got to take home a diamond to play with before she committed to using it in her engagement ring, I’m not too inclined to believe this particular price-related wince was genuine.
HUMBLEBRAGS OF THE WEEK
- “My wedding to Bruce was actually featured in Vogue and a couple of other magazines and also the Herald Sun. So it was like this big wedding and everyone was talking about it and it was fun!” – Chyka
- “It’s been 17 years since I last wore my wedding dress and I fit into it like a glove…zips up!” – Pettifleur
- “My wedding dress was designed by Henry Roth. I saw it in a Vogue magazine one day and I rang him up straight away and said, ‘Listen, I’m getting married in a few weeks and I actually need your dress’ and he was like, ‘A few weeks?!’ and I said, ‘Yes a few weeks’ and he got the dress for me.” – Jackie
- “My wedding dress is a very beautiful, handmade, embroidered Dolce Gabbana. I said to Andrew, ‘We’re not having a big party so, you know what? You can spend it on my dress.'” – Lydia
OMNOMNOM: FOODIE MOMENT
The slop that Janet’s sleazy ex, Brian, served up for dinner. Complete with the blood of half a finger apparently. More like vom-nom-nom.
BEST FACIAL EXPRESSION
Jackie’s totally understandable reaction to Gamble and Pettifleur hugging it out minutes after the “Get fucked!” sitch.
Janet’s reaction to her ex adding a splash of O positive to the wok slop.
HOUSEWIFE OF THE WEEK
As much as I would like to say Gamble, long may she reign, I think Jackie gave her a run for her money this week. She was on point tonight with her comebacks and eye rolls and well-timed yawns.
QUESTIONS
- How big are your biggest earrings?
- Is listening to Destiny’s Child a deal breaker for you?
- Do you sometimes wake up in the morning and think ‘Today’s a blue eye day’?
Cactus Pop 