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To help you get in the festive spirit, enjoy a schmaltzy Christmas movie review of 2014’s seasonal and romantic, The Nine Lives of Christmas!

the Nine Lives of Christmas (2014)

Source: Hallmark
Source: Hallmark

FAMILIAR FACES

Brandon Routh (Ray Palmer from Arrow and soon-to-be Legends of Tomorrow); Stephanie Bennet (known for UnREAL, a very small part in iZombie and soon to be Lydia Branwell in 2016’s Shadowhunters).

THE BIG PICTURE

Brandon Routh plays Zachary –  a firefighter who moves into a house only to be followed by a stray cat Ambrose (the cat is honestly the star of the show, and I’m not even a cat person). Then we’ve got Marilee, a veterinary student working at the local pet supply store. They have a series of chance encounters over the course of the movie and Marilee is pretty much instantly smitten with Zachary.  Zachary is an all-round nice guy and takes fractionally longer to fall for her – maybe because he already has a girlfriend – model, Blair who is basically the Grinch of this story. Marilee and Zachary bond over their now shared love of felines and that’s about it.

MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT

These sorts of movies always come with the big grand gesture at the end. And for Nine Lives of Christmas, it is the most romantic part of the movie. But I don’t want to give the ending away except to say it was extremely cheesy and involves a fire truck.

So we will have to settle with a romantic moment from earlier in the film. It might have been slightly awkward, but Marilee and her friend concoct a plan to hang mistletoe in the house to lure Zachary in for a kiss (i.e. the oldest trick in the book). Zachary comes home, Marliee is standing under the mistletoe looking super awkward, he kind of brushes her off a bit so she tells him she’s going out. With that his face falls and he quickly comes up with a reason for her to stay in – to help him grout his sink (be still my wildly beating heart!). She agrees, he walks off, her face falls because hello, all he wants her for is her ability to help out with this renovations, and next minute he’s rushing towards her, taking her face in his hands and kissing her. And so the oldest trick in the book worked!

BEST CHRISTMAS MOMENT

The big Christmas party at the Mayor’s house. It ends in tears, but it is like this big, beautiful party with carollers out the front and gorgeous decorations and people dressed up in their best clothes. And it just makes me think of how much I would love to throw a Christmas party like that.

SCENE THAT MADE ME HUNGRY

Every time I go to the supermarket I wage war with myself. Should I buy icecream/chocolate/cookies? No, don’t buy them. If they aren’t there you won’t snack unnecessarily. But I really feel like something sugary and delicious. No, don’t buy them. If they aren’t there you can’t be unhealthy. And I stand eyeing chocolate and ice-cream until eventually guilt wins and I walk away empty-handed. So, the scene where Marilee is in the supermarket and she puts a large tub of ice-cream in her trolley, then takes it out, then puts it back in obviously speaks to me and makes me wish I’d purchased a similar tub of ice cream. Of course, this entire moment is followed shortly thereafter by an extremely awkward and rambling first meeting with Zachary in the pet food aisle, where he asks her, among other things, if she is having a party and points to the huge tub of ice-cream in her trolley.

MOST MEMORABLE LINE

“She’s really pretty but she doesn’t know it” – awwww, that’s Zachary when asked by his firehouse pals what Marilee looks like. Kinda sweet really.

MOST RIDICULOUS MOMENT

At one point, Marilee gets evicted from her house because her landlord finds out she’s got a cat which is against the rules. Zachary just happens to be there at that particular moment and then invites Marilee to move in with him – totally unbelievable. Come on, really? And what does it say about Zachary when he jumps at the chance to ask her to move in, when they barely know each other, but only days later has a complete commitment freak out and turns completely icy on her?

SCENE THAT MADE ME CRINGE

Argh. So many. Marilee has a chronic case of foot-in-mouth and constantly tells embarrassing anecdotes – from making up a fake boyfriend called “Brown Eyes” based on Zachary to stop her younger sister from continually trying to set her up on blind dates, to telling Zack awkward animal facts. But I think the most awkward is when her sister takes her shopping for a sexy party dress. Then instead of dropping Marilee home, she drops her at the firehouse and forces her to go inside – for some reason Marilee is wearing the sexy party dress – and Marilee is then forced to make up an awkward reason for stopping by unannounced.

OVERALL SCORE ON THE CHRISTMAS TV MOVIE SCALE

  1. FESTIVE FAIL

  2. ‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE DISAPPOINTED

  3. MEH-RRY CHRISTMAS

  4. OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO WATCH

  5. IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

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